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Where is God in our Grief?
In The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis takes his readers through a wardrobe to a world of witches and a heroic lion named Aslan. In Mere Christianity, he takes his readers through an intellectual sparing match with some of the toughest arguments against Christianity. But after his beloved wife, Helen Joy, dies of cancer, Lewis candidly takes his readers through the dark, empty hallways of despair in A Grief Observed.
The level of anguish and grief Lewis experiences and shares surprises some readers. He writes about God’s seeming absence amidst his grief …
… where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms [of grief] ... go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it ever inhabited? It seemed so once …”
Lewis’s writing strikes a somber note, similar to many psalms in Scripture – full of anguish, anger, and unanswered questions …
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?”
(Psalm 13:1–2)
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.”
(Psalm 22:1–2)
The Messiness of Grief
A Grief Observed mimics the psalms of lament in many ways. They raise hard questions. They express difficult feelings. They don’t always resolve in a nice and neat way. But that’s the point. Grief isn’t nice and neat. It’s messy. Grief can feel so overwhelming that it can cloud our ability to hear from God. Lewis writes …
I have gradually been coming to feel that the door is no longer shut and bolted. Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face? The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when God can’t give it: you are like the drowning man who can’t be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear.”
Although Lewis’s grief seems to have hindered his ability to hear from God, Lewis did not stop knocking on heaven’s door. And that’s what faith does – it turns to God, not away from Him.
Like grief, faith can be messy – not always neat and tidy. Faith is not always a mountaintop experience. Sometimes it leads to walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Sometimes it brings your broken cries and questions before the Lord. And as Lewis continually pours out his heart and his hurt, he begins to sense God’s presence. He writes …
When I lay these questions before God, I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No Answer.’ It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though he shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.’”
Grieving with God
Death and heaven raise many questions and difficult feelings, especially for the bereaved. Bring them to the Lord. He can handle your questions, your emotions, your thoughts, your fears, and your sorrows. He encourages us to pour out our hurting hearts to Him, however broken they may be. The Bible says, “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8)
The Bible, and in particular the Psalms, is filled with people courageously expressing their difficult feelings. They serve as a model to us for what it looks like to come to God when we feel angry, bitter, confused, depressed, grieved, fearful, or hopeless. C.S. Lewis understood this. His grief and that of the psalmists remind us that no matter what we’re feeling, God invites us to give Him our burdens … “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22).
For the bereaved or for those approaching death, bring whatever you’re feeling before the Lord. Pour your heart out to God and bring your questions and feelings to Him as an act of trust, faith, and obedience. God will not be shocked or surprised. Answers to some questions can be found in His Word. But more important than the what and why behind the pain is the Who.
The Promise of Hope
We may not receive all the answers to our questions in this life. But we have God – His presence, His promises, and His peace. He invites us to come to Him, regardless of how we feel. And we have His Word. We have His promise that in heaven, our pain will melt away, our questions will be answered, and our tears will be wiped away as we live in the light of His love.
“I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death” or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’”
(Revelation 21:3–4)
10 WAYS TO GET CLOSER TO GOD EVERY DAY
If you want to grow closer to God, think of Moses in the tent of meeting, Mary at the feet of Jesus, and Jesus Himself, constantly stealing away to be with the Father. Every great leader and hero of the faith had this one thing in common: they never considered themselves close enough to God.
Take Paul in his letter to the Philippians:
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
It’s really all of Chapter 3, so you should go read that for sure. But basically he says that even he hasn’t come to a place where he can relax and kick back.
But instead he has this intense desire to press on, to push closer, to know Christ more, to grow closer and more intimate, more fellowship. Even Paul, the writer of most of the New Testament, wanted to get closer to God.
We definitely need this encouragement, this attitude, this heart posture.
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WHAT IS YOUR HEART POSTURE?
Praise God that He is patient with us and that He loves us, His Church, even with our blemishes. But if we are to truly walk closer to God, we have got to realize that true love is ever-pursuing, ever-increasing, ever-responding, and ever-growing closer every day.
It doesn’t stay put. It goes with God… it moves… it follows… it pursues.
Jesus is in the process of preparing and purifying us, His bride, more and more, so we should be engaged in that process as well.
That being said, there is a deep, disgusting disease in the Church today that we definitely need a cure for. It is unseen and unspoken of, and it is rampant throughout our churches and our hearts. It is the posture in our hearts that we are close enough.
We might never say it out loud or even realize it sometimes, but it plays out in how we spend our time. It plays out in our worship services. It plays out when there is an altar call, and the majority of us don’t go up. And mostly, it plays out in our hearts.
“I’M GOOD”, OR “GIVE ME MORE?”
We sit back thinking, “I don’t need that. I’m good. I don’t want people to see me going forward. What would other people think of me?”
Whatever we’re thinking, it’s not, “Give it to me! Show me your glory Lord. I want more of you, so here I come.”
Instead of staying put if there is an invitation for prayer, we, the people of God, the ones who have spent the most time at church, should be the ones that are up at the altar most often.
The altar should be full of us; the altar at church, the altar in our homes, and the altar in our hearts. We should live in close pursuit and die daily. Daily laying our lives at His altar and letting Him prune and shape us more into His likeness. It should be a pursuit, and a passionate one at that.
Almost everyone in the whole church should be up there seeking more of Jesus, every time, any chance we get, every day. We should be seeking more of Jesus, every week, all the time, Sunday after Sunday, every other day too, in our homes, in our living rooms, with our families, with our friends, with each other.
Imagine what kind of atmosphere our churches would have if God looked down and saw passionate, longing hearts instead of indifference. Tweet
IMAGINE WITH ME
What if He saw us at the altar instead of in our chairs?
If He saw pursuit and desperation and love in our hearts?
What would God do if He looked down and saw everyone in your church up at the altar, over and over, and over again each week? I guarantee you He would match that pursuit and meet you in power!
“I’m good!?!”
Why would we ever say that to God?
Again, we don’t realize we are saying it, but we are. We are giving God the stiff arm. We are saying, essentially, “I’m close enough. I don’t need to go any further. I’m good right here. I don’t need any more of you. I’ve done that. Jesus cleansed me. I’m thankful. But now I’m good.”
If God is offering something, I don’t care if it’s something we’ve already received from Him before, we should want more of it, more of Him, every time. That altar should be full of all of the people that are hungry for more of Him.
I fear though that it already is. We’ve got to stoke our hunger for Him again.
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REKINDLE THE FIRE
We have got to rekindle that fire inside of us and be hungry for Him again.
We have got to recapture that flame, that heart ablaze, that worshipful spirit that is thankful, and grateful, and awestruck, and in love, and can’t for the life of us get enough of Him.
You see, we don’t completely push Him away. We make sure to keep Him within reach, but definitely an arms length away. You know, just in case we need Him for something, but on our terms.
WE KEEP GOD AT AN ARMS DISTANCE.
It’s as if we don’t need more cleaning and don’t need Him anymore. Like we’ve forgotten and are no longer enthralled and hungry and thirsty and in love.
I do this too. It’s easy to get to the point where you just want to be comfortable AND God’s. But that’s not exactly in the cards bro.
I mean, He is our great Comforter. But we don’t really want Him to be our comforter because that would mean that the circumstances He allows us to be in are UNcomfortable, and we definitely don’t like that. If we’re really honest with ourselves, we want the situation to be comfortable already.
On the contrary though, God says that our flesh will die when we are close to Him.
“But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”
COME UP THE MOUNTAIN
God is inviting you up the mountain to be with Him, to come closer, to know Him more intimately than you ever have. Will you come up the mountain and come closer to God?
Will you recapture that love and fire and pursue God again? It may be painful. There may be some dying and some burning, but hardness produces goodness, and He is making us more Holy.
Death is always the required course for resurrection life. Tweet
As far as what side of the fence to choose, there have always been people on both sides of passion and jade. But Jesus wants us to come back to Him. He spoke to it in Revelation.
I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.
Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.
Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
There have always been people who have been in love with Jesus, and there have always been people who have hated Him. But the group that Jesus had the biggest issues with was the group that claimed to love God, but was actually quite far from Him.
A MAN AFTER GOD’S OWN HEART
Let’s be honest. Most of us have experienced a season of decreased passion and fervency in our walk with Christ once or twice before.
David expressed it too.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Even King David, the man after God’s own heart, had lost it somehow.
He had lost the joy and the enthrallment. He had lost the zeal, the worship, the pursuit.
This is the same thing that we struggle with today. We have lost the pursuit. Our posture is no longer one of pursuit and hunger for the Lord. And we have got to recapture that pursuing heart!
It’s as though we have forgotten or grown accustom to our freedom and have started to take it for granted. But you only stay truly free when you stay close to Jesus every day.
WHO WILL YOU BE?
Will you be the Israelites, who stayed away from the mountain? Or will you be Moses, who desired to meet with the Lord face to face?
Will you be Martha, who considered the dishes and house chores to be more important? Or will you be Mary who put all that aside to be with Jesus?
Will you be the Christian who is comfortable with how close you’ve come? Or will you be the Jesus follower who is passionately pursuing Christ and coming closer to God because your heart is so enthralled and can never ever be close enough?Tweet
10 WAYS TO GET CLOSER TO GOD
Whether you’re just getting to know the Lord or you’ve been following Him for years, getting to know God closer is actually quite simple. That’s because He has made Himself available to us.
If you’re looking for more ways to get closer to God and spend more time with Him, here’s a list of 10 easy things you can do to engage or re-ignite a passionate and thriving relationship with Jesus.
1. PRAY
Just talk to God like you would any other person. Pray out loud. Listen for Him to answer you. He has made Himself incredibly available to us through prayer. No matter where you are, talk to Him, and He will talk back to you. And when He does, it will change your life.
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2. GO ON A WALK TOGETHER
This is what Jesus did. There’s something about going on a walk or a hike OUTSIDE with God. Out in the breeze, out in creation. You get out of whatever you were in and you meet with Him. The important thing here is that you get up and move with Jesus. It helps you put your life in His hands instead of just sitting there stuck in your own head and circumstances. It very practically gets some motion in your life and really helps you keep moving with God. I even do this at Church during worship sometimes. Just pray and pace a little as you seek Him. You don’t have to move to pray, but it can definitely be really great and extremely helpful sometimes.
3. READ THE BIBLE
This may be obvious, but there are too many of us that don’t dig into Scripture on a regular basis. God will without a doubt reveal Himself to you through His Word. Read the Bible and you will get to know Him more and more. If you want to get to know somebody, you talk to them. Between prayer and reading the Bible, these are the 2 best ways to talk to God and get to know Him. But read with an expectation to hear from God! His Spirit is ready to speak to you through His Word. Pick it up today and come alive with the Lord’s voice in your heart.
WANT TO GROW EVEN CLOSER WITH GOD (EVEN IF YOU’RE CLOSE ALREADY) AND LEARN HOW TO GROW CLOSER WITH HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY FROM HERE ON OUT?
4. FILL YOUR LIFE WITH WORSHIP
There are so many things we put into our lives these days. But we may not realize the affects they have on our spirit. Just like junk food to our bodies, certain things can have a negative affect on our spirits as well. The fact is that God has said multiple times in Scripture that worldly things separate us from Him. So if you want to get closer to God, cut out some things you normally do, watch, listen to, and think about, and fill your life with worship.
Become a worshipper of God. Spend time in the car singing and praying and talking with Jesus. Spend time worshipping in your living room. Filling your life with worship will have a MASSIVE affect on your relationship with God, and it will have an ENORMOUS affect on your entire life. If you need a list of great worship music, I’ve got a list of some of my personal favs here on my website to get you started.
5. FIND A GOOD CHURCH
There are some places in the world where there are literally churches on every corner. And other places where you can’t even gather legally together as Christians. But the fact of the matter is that Godly community is a HUGE blessing for growing in Christ. Find a Church where people really know God, really love Him, and really love you. Get involved. And eventually, make sure you’re not just there to get but to give and serve as well.
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6. TALK TO A PASTOR OR GODLY MENTOR
God has equipped everybody for specific service to others. If you’ve got a great Church and great Pastors, get to know them and spend a little time together. They can make some of the best mentors. Other than that, find someone in the Church that is older and wiser than you who you can meet with and chew on life together.
Also, if you want to get mentoring from me, I do have some 1-on-1 coaching packages available you can check out HERE. You can be anywhere in the world because we meet over video chat, and I will help you maximize your potential and pursuit of Christ and grow as a leader as we spend 1-on-1 time together. All you have to do is be hungry and ready to invest in your personal, spiritual, and leadership growth.
7. GET AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER
Talk To a Close Friend Who Knows God. You may not share everything with everybody. But it is extremely healthy to have one or two friends who know pretty much everything about you. And I mean the good, the bad, and the ugly. Find someone you can trust and grow together. Confess sin, confess temptation even before sin to stay out of sin, pray together, pursue God together, have fun and live the adventure together.
When God gives you a really great friend, they can end up becoming even closer than a brother. But to get a friend, you’ve got to be a friend, so make sure you are the kind of friend to them that you want them to be for you in return. Meet regularly and talk about what the Lord is teaching you. Challenge each other and grow closer to God together. And always keep it same sex when you’re dealing with accountability. (Side note: if you struggle with purity & sexual sin, don’t stick with just an accountability partner. Get help from a Pastor/mentor as well who can help you overcome and get healthy.)
WANT TO GROW EVEN CLOSER WITH GOD (EVEN IF YOU’RE CLOSE ALREADY) AND LEARN HOW TO GROW CLOSER WITH HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY FROM HERE ON OUT?
8. READ A BOOK
I’ve never really been a big natural reader. But over the years I have learned to love it. As I look back on some of my most intimate seasons with the Lord, I was reading the Bible in the mornings and reading a challenging book at night before I went to sleep. Mostly some sort of Christian self-help type book on life with God, who He is, etc. If you need a list of great books to read, I’ve got a list of some of my personal favs here on my website to get you started.
9. TAKE A COURSE
It’s incredible what we can learn from people whom God has appointed to help show us the way. There are lots of great online courses out there about all different topics. But if you’re looking for online courses on walking with God, building confidence, finding your contribution, leading well, or making the difference in the world that you were born to make, then check back here often as I am constantly putting together courses for your growth and walk with the Lord.
Make sure you’re subscribed to my email list so you get updates about new courses before they drop. And also, I’m always looking to tailor my content to your specific needs, so hit reply on any email I send you and come chat on Facebook or even right here on any blog post in the comments. I would love to hear back from you and get to know you so that I can know what you’d like help with most and how I can help you grow.
I love helping you grow closer to God and grow as a leader, and I have made sure to put only the best, most actionable content into my courses so you get incredible results from every course you take. If you follow the steps I lay out for you in my courses you will without a doubt get closer to God & grow as a leader. It’s one of the best ways to go deeper, take things to the next level, and to grow together.
WANT TO GROW EVEN CLOSER WITH GOD (EVEN IF YOU’RE CLOSE ALREADY) AND LEARN HOW TO GROW CLOSER WITH HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY FROM HERE ON OUT?
10. DROP ME A LINE
My absolute passion is helping people just like you know and walk closer with God every day. I am here for you, so if you ever need anything, have a question, or just need someone to pray for you or help show you the way, you can drop me a line right here in the blog comments or even here on my Facebook page. I would love to help you any way that I can.
These 10 things have absolutely changed my life so much that I could write a whole book on each one. Well, the first 9 I guess 
Here they are again to recap.
- Pray
- Go on a Walk Together
- Read the Bible
- Fill Your Life With Worship
- Find A Good Church
- Talk To a Pastor or Godly Mentor
- Get An Accountability Partner
- Read A Book
- Take a Course
- Drop Me A Line
Walking with God is an absolute treasure, one that nothing in this world could ever match in a million years. Not in a billion kajillion years could anything in this world measure up to living life with Christ. His Spirit and His love and His life and His Words are everything we truly crave. And it is just so satisfying to walk with Him that you could never be close enough.
We have got to re-spark that passion and come closer to God.
The closer you get to Jesus, the more you just want to get closer and closer and closer, because He is so infinite and amazing.
No one else can make you strong. Only Jesus is strong in your weakness. And only He sees all of you AND loves you more than you can even imagine. Trust wholly in Him & put Him first before everything else. It will change everything in your life.
I’m praying for you 
Lord draw us close. Forgive us of our apathy and distance. Give us clean hands and pure hearts. Show us the depths of your love for us, and create in us a deep desire to respond to you with passion and pursuit and love right back. We dare to pray the dangerous prayer that asks you to burn away our flesh, meaning our self, if it means we can be close to you and be fully alive in your Spirit. Restore to us the joy of our salvation. Give us sight Jesus. Heal our hearts. Come and be our first love again. We love you Lord, and we want more of you. Lord draw us close.
